I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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