When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
