I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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