I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
