I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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