if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
