She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
