I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
