never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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