We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
