I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
