I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
