well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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