I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
