saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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