I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
