so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
