I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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