Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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