If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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