YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Houston, we have a squirter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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