We got so high we made milksteak
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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