They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
