I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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