So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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