It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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