Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
