I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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