Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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