What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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