Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
