HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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