I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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