I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
