there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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