The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
