woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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