So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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