Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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