You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
