he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
