Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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