Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
