I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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