I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
