New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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