I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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