YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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