Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
