Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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