we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize