Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am spending my child support on dildos
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
