How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
worst night to have a conscience
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
