i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
