Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
