dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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