____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
