Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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