Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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