U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Your dad touched me again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
