he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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