cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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