I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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