Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
