census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
