Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
