I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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