We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
