Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
