Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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