Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
