On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
