Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
