i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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