and you said cock pushups were impossible
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
honey bunches of taint.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
