Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
