Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize