No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no you cant smoke seaweed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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