I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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