the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
