sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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