Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
