Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
