Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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