i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everyone says I win the strip club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
