well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
