hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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